7 Years since i began a new life. 7 years since i became bride to a Prince. 7
years since i entered into this new covenant of peace. 7 years since coming
closer to what i was made to be. 7 years of ex-ordinary life.
There are many different reasons why people first start coming to Christ:
broken relationships, a desire for true love and forgiveness, a desire for a
new start. Mine started with a search for peace - the one that i saw in Ann and
Lufee, my Christian friends back in Secondary school days. I remembered
thinking to myself back then, that though i don't believe there;s a God, yet
there's something about the peace that they have that is so real.. and that's
wat i want. In the process of walking with Him, I’ve found peace with God,
peace with others (as far as possible, still working on that..haha) and now, I realize,
the importance of peace with myself.
Last nite, i had a mini 7th bday gathering w Gil, Raffy and Eric at Vilage..
but i guess i was in a more reflective mood than celebrative mood. what have i
done in these last 7 years of my life? -- is this a mid spiritual life
crisis? haha.
One thing i was reminded of as i was hearing a sermon on "Love" by Ps
Robert Hern... is that one thing has NEVER changed. God loves me to the same
extent today as He did 7 years ago when i raised my hands to receive Him into
my life, just the same as He did when i was born. Doesn't matter what i've done
since coming to know Him, GOD loves me. Independent of the
achievements or lack of them, or all the silly mistakes i've made.. He loves
me.
Love stirs up several imageries to me: an old couple holding hands walking down
the road, an older brother giving up what he wants for his younger siblings, a
friend taking time jst to be w a saddened friend though he knows the sadness
will pass away soon, a husband's committed choice to love his wife even when
she is most unloveable.
Love is hard to reason. it's a realm that logic cannot touch, which is what makes it so hard for a rationale being like me. i remembered
asking my brother one day when we were talking about a couple friend of his who
got married after 9 yrs of courtship: how can a couple like each other for so
long? In marriage i understand, because to me, that's a commitment. not to say
there's no passion, but there's a reason to stay together apart from those
emotions aside. But for an unmarried couple to like each other for years
on and stay together, that's kinda hard for me to understand. haha mabbe that's
what's wrong w me. i try too hard to understand when some things are not meant
to be understood, but lived out.
Love as i understood it, has meant sacrifice
and commitment largely, but i
realised i've forgotten a very essential part of it, and that's, PASSION. GOD's
love for us is evidenced in His ultimate and complete sacrifice for us, but the
motivating source for His sacrifice was passion. Passion for His Bride, the
church, that compelled Him to fight for, suffer and sacrifice Himself before knowing her response to Him. As
if that's not enough, He continues to court her and win her long after the
sacrifice, perhaps, she did not know His sacrifice to bring her even to the
altar. She doesn’t realize the kind of life that He has bought for her with His
life. Yet with a passion that takes Him make mountain- moving promises (which
he CAN fulfill) and continued expressions of His love in blessings, He bides
her to come away with Him, again and again. Talk about a Bride with ADD
(Attention Deficit Disorder). It is this passion that stirs up a fiery jealousy
when the Bride is pulled away from Him, a jealousy that desires to eliminate
the distractions from the bride, thus His hate for sin that so separates Him
from His Lover.
I think I’ve forgotten about the passion that comes with love. I was telling
the gang last nite that though I may have grown in many other ways, i feel I’ve
lost something along the way. I’ve forgotten what I want or perhaps staved off
what I wanted till I don’t know what it is anymore. U know how you quell your
desires, until, the stay at this far corner of your life then one day you
become immune to them, and one day, mabbe u find them dead. “Selfless” is what
one of them said, but I am afraid that if I lose my passions..i lose the self
that I am. Then I am another person on the road, part of the machinery, the
brick, and lost all of the me that makes me, me.
I don’t believe that you should pursue all the passions
in you.. for some are ungodly and definitely dangerous. But danger lies in
labeling all your passions and desires as ungodly, and you’ve then lost a part
of you and what you live on is commitment without passion: obligation.
I believe that love is a choice. But love devoid of passion makes
a very ugly end. The passion may not be there in the beginning but something is
wrong if it not there through it all. I love because God first loved me. And it
is a love that sacrifices because of passion, not obligation. I want to love in
the way that God loves me.. to give my life up for passion, not obligation.
“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother,
he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen,
cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” 1 John 4:19-20
On the topic of bride and bridegrooms, it was interesting to
read Ann’s blog today, that she finally found a tiara.. completing her princess
wedding dream! Her wedding comes this August and I’m really thrilled for her
that she is able to live out her princess dream!! I still remember when we were
12, she would always sing Disney songs in class (specifically Little Mermaid)
and lead the rest of the pp with it. the Disney princess will come to life this
August! 
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