Conflicting emotions of feeling sorry towards God and being extremely grateful for His mercy and grace towards me.
If you read my earlier note "Overlooked", you will understand where i'm coming from.
I was informed today at work of a promotion as of 1 Apr 2010 (or is it an April Fools' Joke?) and as if that's not enough of goodness, i also found out I got a performance bonus too! but what is even more amazing are the following testimonies that have arisen out of this matter:
Testimony in Giving
Just in December, I had been praying about whether to give a certain amount away. It was a fairly substantial amount to me and bearing in mind that i was going to US, Turkey, Israel and Manila the coming year, it was not an easy decision to make. In the end, with God's grace, the money was given away.
When I got the bonus letter and my payslip today, it blew me away that the amount was quite a few times the amount that I had given away in Dec!!! :o
It is a true FACT that we just CANNOT outgive God. Test and try it for yourself. Ask God if there's someone He'd like you to bless and ask Him how much or how or what (sometimes it's not monetary). and whatever He puts on your heart, do it. You'll never regret it. Time and time again, especially in the area of giving, God has never failed in proving his faithfulness and His generosity. And the best part is the joy of being able to bless others with what you have, and letting God be the one to bless you with what He has. There truly is not a more exciting way to live and manage your finances when God becomes your financial giving consultant.
Testimony in Faith
But what has blessed me most about this matter was that my sister smsed me after my dad had told her about the promotion and she was so excited because I had shared with her earlier about how i had felt upset about feeling treated unfairly and last Sunday ( beginning of sermon series on Power of Miracles), she had prayed for me during the service. The following is an excerpt of our sms conversation:
Amanda: "恭喜姐姐，。。上帝爸爸有听我们的prayer~~~so happy for you~"
(Congratulations sis, Our heavenly dad heard our prayer.. so happy for you..)
Me: "Yeah! God heard our prayers, your prayer! He is really AWESOME! more 强大than I could ever be. God is so good and I'm so not!"
Amanda: "哈哈~happy happy~ so next time we just believe God, he will give the best to His child"
Me: "Amen!!Believe Him in all things, even for our future husbands Ü " (a topic we had been discussing before)
What has blessed me most, is how this matter has also built up the faith of my sis regarding prayer and the faithfulness of God. It means so so so much to me to 'hear' what she smsed me above :*) And i can only pray that it will be a truth that will permeate her walk with God for the rest of her life as well as mine.
Truth of the matter is, some other amazing things happened in the workplace all today.. Like how i finally got to meet someone that has the right skillset and is willing to be stationed in vietnam for one of my projects (it was already nearing my deadline and i was getting worried). Like how miracles of miracles, certain rare media opportunities just came up for a media trip that's happening for another of my project in India. Things that i could not orchestrate by myself. all this in ONE day. talk about God expediting things. talk about God's perfect timing. talk about God's unmerited favor and grace towards the ungrateful and wicked,
like me.
I am so humbled by and grateful to God, that He has allowed me to wrestle with the issue of my pride and distrust towards Him before revealing what He was really doing behind the scenes. As i walked home today, I was reminded of Jesus' gentle and kind voice, chiding Peter as he panicked looking at the storms:
"Why did you doubt, you of lil' faith?"
I'm so sorry, Lord. please help my unbelief.
Our Lord is so beautiful, and He is able. He does not withhold what is good from us. and what He withholds, it is only because there's a greater good that comes out of our waiting. There's plenty of waiting i'm still doing in my life now and i'm sure in yours and in our future. But i hope you find comfort that you are not alone.
Was reminded by a friend's sharing, that in the end, our wait is not for that certain job, or spouse, or house or opportunity because even when we get all that, we will still be waiting on the Lord, till the day Jesus' comes for us. All the waiting we are doing, is only minor training for the real waiting we are doing till His Kingdom comes. Meanwhile, let's ask God to teach us how to wait joyfully upon Him, for Him and with Him, and also give us the love and wisdom to gather more people with us in that time so we can all wait together joyfully as one big diverse spiritual family till we all come home to Jesus and celebrate!
More than ever Lord, i am beginning to realise how far i've fallen, and how far you've reached down to rescue me. I want to keep falling in love with you, but i get so easily distracted by the winds and the waves. Help this sheep with ADHD, help me to rest in Your love. when i forget - and how often i do that, can You please just knock me over on my head and remind me again?? help me to continue to be a good steward of everything you've given me, big or small and never be complacent against pride and doubt. May i learn the art of staying on my knees in good times and bad. In Jesus most precious name, i ask, Amen.
If you read my earlier note "Overlooked", you will understand where i'm coming from.
I was informed today at work of a promotion as of 1 Apr 2010 (or is it an April Fools' Joke?) and as if that's not enough of goodness, i also found out I got a performance bonus too! but what is even more amazing are the following testimonies that have arisen out of this matter:
Testimony in Giving
Just in December, I had been praying about whether to give a certain amount away. It was a fairly substantial amount to me and bearing in mind that i was going to US, Turkey, Israel and Manila the coming year, it was not an easy decision to make. In the end, with God's grace, the money was given away.
When I got the bonus letter and my payslip today, it blew me away that the amount was quite a few times the amount that I had given away in Dec!!! :o
It is a true FACT that we just CANNOT outgive God. Test and try it for yourself. Ask God if there's someone He'd like you to bless and ask Him how much or how or what (sometimes it's not monetary). and whatever He puts on your heart, do it. You'll never regret it. Time and time again, especially in the area of giving, God has never failed in proving his faithfulness and His generosity. And the best part is the joy of being able to bless others with what you have, and letting God be the one to bless you with what He has. There truly is not a more exciting way to live and manage your finances when God becomes your financial giving consultant.
Testimony in Faith
But what has blessed me most about this matter was that my sister smsed me after my dad had told her about the promotion and she was so excited because I had shared with her earlier about how i had felt upset about feeling treated unfairly and last Sunday ( beginning of sermon series on Power of Miracles), she had prayed for me during the service. The following is an excerpt of our sms conversation:
Amanda: "恭喜姐姐，。。上帝爸爸有听我们的prayer~~~
(Congratulations sis, Our heavenly dad heard our prayer.. so happy for you..)
Me: "Yeah! God heard our prayers, your prayer! He is really AWESOME! more 强大than I could ever be. God is so good and I'm so not!"
Amanda: "哈哈~happy happy~ so next time we just believe God, he will give the best to His child"
Me: "Amen!!Believe Him in all things, even for our future husbands Ü " (a topic we had been discussing before)
What has blessed me most, is how this matter has also built up the faith of my sis regarding prayer and the faithfulness of God. It means so so so much to me to 'hear' what she smsed me above :*) And i can only pray that it will be a truth that will permeate her walk with God for the rest of her life as well as mine.
Truth of the matter is, some other amazing things happened in the workplace all today.. Like how i finally got to meet someone that has the right skillset and is willing to be stationed in vietnam for one of my projects (it was already nearing my deadline and i was getting worried). Like how miracles of miracles, certain rare media opportunities just came up for a media trip that's happening for another of my project in India. Things that i could not orchestrate by myself. all this in ONE day. talk about God expediting things. talk about God's perfect timing. talk about God's unmerited favor and grace towards the ungrateful and wicked,
like me.
I am so humbled by and grateful to God, that He has allowed me to wrestle with the issue of my pride and distrust towards Him before revealing what He was really doing behind the scenes. As i walked home today, I was reminded of Jesus' gentle and kind voice, chiding Peter as he panicked looking at the storms:
"Why did you doubt, you of lil' faith?"
I'm so sorry, Lord. please help my unbelief.
Our Lord is so beautiful, and He is able. He does not withhold what is good from us. and what He withholds, it is only because there's a greater good that comes out of our waiting. There's plenty of waiting i'm still doing in my life now and i'm sure in yours and in our future. But i hope you find comfort that you are not alone.
Was reminded by a friend's sharing, that in the end, our wait is not for that certain job, or spouse, or house or opportunity because even when we get all that, we will still be waiting on the Lord, till the day Jesus' comes for us. All the waiting we are doing, is only minor training for the real waiting we are doing till His Kingdom comes. Meanwhile, let's ask God to teach us how to wait joyfully upon Him, for Him and with Him, and also give us the love and wisdom to gather more people with us in that time so we can all wait together joyfully as one big diverse spiritual family till we all come home to Jesus and celebrate!
More than ever Lord, i am beginning to realise how far i've fallen, and how far you've reached down to rescue me. I want to keep falling in love with you, but i get so easily distracted by the winds and the waves. Help this sheep with ADHD, help me to rest in Your love. when i forget - and how often i do that, can You please just knock me over on my head and remind me again?? help me to continue to be a good steward of everything you've given me, big or small and never be complacent against pride and doubt. May i learn the art of staying on my knees in good times and bad. In Jesus most precious name, i ask, Amen.
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