for some reason.. i'm not THAT panicky... well not as i would usually.. which in a way is good. The whole of yesterday i did hardly anything.. well i read some of 900 pages of readings.. but apart from taht..i did so little! i came home.. watched 1 episode of alias, and wasted abt half hour trying to open the other episodes (which never worked and i still can't figure out why) and i watched the New Police Story starring Jackie Chan - this was SOOOOOOOo good! i've forgotten how good HK films are! it's been a long time since i watched them. but this was really really really good! if there are some of u reading that's not watched it, i encourage you to go watch it!! very powerful and great plot!
But somehow in the midst of watching it.. i suddenly felt guilty.. like i shouldn't be watching but studying, and it came to a point that i was really disturbed by it.. i don't know whether that was good or bad, or why i'm even writing this.. but its either i really don't know how to relax or that it's true that i'm relaxing too much. i suspect the latter... i guess i just need to buck up.
My latest revelation from God is this: that i should just enjoy my time here and relax and walk with Him instead of getting so anxious about what's going to happen to me after ENLI 3 - which breaks the peace and enjoyment i currently have in taking it coz once in awhile i panic and i get frustrated over why the Lord won't just tell me NOW. But in His gentleness and patience, He keeps reminding me that He didn't save me just to serve Him, but also to love and enjoy Him.
So much of my life has been more a Martha lifestyle... and if ever i'm Mary at His feet, it's probably when i'm hurt and crying..haha. but hardly just sitting and relaxing i guess. I want to hear stories from Jesus. I want to tell him the funny things that happen to me like i tell my friends.. (though he already knows it) and i want to always see the humour He has placed in my life. One of the coolest traits i see in God so far is His humour. I mean, man, what else more can you ask for from a GOd that not only loves, provides and protects you but also makes you laugh? He really is just the BEST
[Me and Nana - chef for Mid-Autumn Fest]
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