Just happy coz i feel like i'm breaking through new barriers... doing things i never thought i'd do!... In this year alone, i've done so many things i normally wouldn't do. It's amazing what you can do when you realise that u're fully accepted, embraced and loved :)
Singing
I normally wouldn't sing in a crowd, if i did, i wouldn't hold a mike. My music teacher in Sec 1 killed any interest i had in singing when she laughed at me (very meanly as well too, i might say!) abt my voice in front of the WHOLE class. Man, talk abt killing a person's interest in music! but since da start of my classes here.. i've done videoke (my song was I Will Survive -- which was interesting and abit nostalgic to me because dat was da song my mum danced her last line dance to), and i've led worship in my class devotion time when my throat was sore ( i abit zao sia..haha but hey, i tried)
I'm not delusional lah.. i know i'm not worship leader quality! haha! i don't have a very good voice.. but i know i do have an ok voice and it comes also with a smaller vocal range. But i know i can sing to God and He appreciates it :) so i've decided i won't be shy over my voice any more because i sing for Him (and as long as i don't distract other pp from worshipping God with it also lah..haha)
Dancing
Another giant no no for me. haha. people in singapore would know this. it takes a ton of encouragement and pulling and dragging and a very good reason to get me on the dance floor. But strangely again, Something crazy overwhelmed me and i choreographed a crazy dance (not a proper one) with another of my Chinese classmate for a dance party we had. All in the name of fun! Again, another un-Ivy thing to do, but yet it was so fun and liberating. Again, I'm not delusional, i'm no female John Travolta or Oliver Newton John..haha.. it takes a loooo..oong time for me to properly learn the steps, but now, at least i;m more willing! :) I've always wanted to dance any way, but i know i need to take a long time. Mabbe when i go back to SIngapore, i'll jst take up dance lessons, jst for fun! and even if i fumble, i'll have fun laughing at myself!
Chinese
O my SNGS girlfriends know how much i struggle and hated this subject! God knows how much i feared this subject.. also the basis of much ridicule from my Chinese teachers in da past (how come teachers don't get it that their comments can harm a young soul so much??). Chinese was my worst subject.. it wasn't when i was younger but as the comments got unkinder, fear grew stronger. I remembered i studied real hard for my O levels so i wouldn't ever have to study or take chinese as a subject ever ever again! But who'd have known, it the abundance of God's grace, I would preach in CHinese this year? The very thing I feared, the Lord brought me to face it, and gave me grace and assurance He was with me..
THere's so much more that God has done for me.. i'm so grateful to Him that one by one, He has diminished my fears.. fears that i was keenly aware of, fears that were so deeply embedded i never noticed till now. All that i was afraid of, He brought me to face it, He showed me what these things truly were, and what was truly in me - Him. I know that there's going to be more new 'discoveries' of coz but den i also know it's going to be wonderful, surely it'll be painful at times, but wonderful most of all, because I get to walk with Someone who loves me more than His life.
I'm reading this book by John and Stasi Eldredge, "Captivating".. and it is AMAZING. Ladies, you don't realize how much of GOd is in you. I strongly strongly recommend this book! it;s like reading your heart and the creation of your heart. When God said He made both man and woman in His image, He wasn't joking at all.
Well, whoever u are reading this, I pray you may have such an amazing encounter with God and you will surely taste and see that God is good. May you experience the liberating nature of His love and know how deep, how wide, how long His love is for you! :) God bless!
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
- Ephesians 3:17-19 (New International Version)
"18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. "
- 1 John 4:18(New International Version)
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