Love, Matters

I have finally finished the book INside Out! I must say that this is one book that i've taken the longest time to read.. because of what it takes to absorb it.

Have gleaned some last points from it written out here..

"I believe there’s a simple reason why sin in the heart, that commitment to self-protection that manifests itself in so many defensive styles of relating, is so rarely recognized a s deep and serious. We can’t recognize self-protection until we see what we’re protecting. Until we face our disappointment as a victim, we cannot clearly identify the strategies we’ve adopted to insulate ourselves from further disappointment. Only a deep awareness of our own profound disappointment (pain in our heart) can enable us to realize our desires for satisfaction have become demands for relief (sin in our heart). Although we may define the problem of self protection, we won’t identify the problem in our own life until we’re in touch with the damage to our soul caused by other people’s sinfulness, a painful damage that motivates our self-proteciton in the first place.

We need to face our disappointment squarely, but only in order that we love more deeply.. that is our end goal in this painful self introspection

Deficient love is always central to our problems. When someone appreciates his parents only because he overlooks the pain they caused him, his appreciation is not only superficial, it is really self-protective. Love is never blind to others’ faults. It sees them clearly , but is not threatened. It admits disappointment but forgives and continues to be warmly involved. Is there a tender concern for the welfare of one who treats you wrongly? That is the measure of love.

When we look clearly at how another has failed us, it can free us of our demand that they love us well. We must not ask more of anyone than they can provide. Resentment towards people grows out of a demanding dependency that they satisfy us well. There’s a difference between an angry, complaining look at another’s failure and an honest admission of disappointment their behavior provoked. The latter can dispel resentment; the former strengthens it.

We have all been sinned against. WE all sin. You have failed to love me as you should and I have failed to love you. Your failure to love me is painful, sometimes profoundly disappointing. But the Lord’s love for me is perfect. Although His love does not remove the sting of your failure, it gives me all I need to stand as a whole person, capable of loving you regaradless of the threat of your further failure.

And that is my responsibility, to love you. My love for you (not yours for me) determines in large measure my experience of joy and my sense of intactness. I can love because I am loved perfectly and fully by God. And my love for you matters. It can draw you to Christ, it gives my life power and value in His plan. It brings glory to God. And, as I falteringly learn to love you without self-protection, I edge toward the longed-for reality of abundant living."